Sometimes love isn’t enough, but you are not alone!
The small line between frustration and depression
It’s been rough the first couple month and right after you think it’s going to work out just fine it’s gets rougher.
The reasons? Growth Spurts, sleep regression, first cold, mental developments and so on.
You really earned the name zombie Mama after 3 weeks of sleep regression but what if those circles under your eyes are not from sleep deprivation? What if those come from crying. Every time and every night!
Over the day you’ve tried to manage to wear the mask of being able to handle everything. House, pets, baby, life. Not in this order but you’ve done a pretty good job with all of it. You even have managed to be a wife again and spend some time with your husband as a couple. You have become a master in time organizing during the day.
But how about the nights? Those night when your baby awakes again and earlier than the night before?
You are frustrated. Your baby doesn’t know better but you are frustrated. You don’t remember the last time of uninterrupted sleep. Or you do remember and it’s even worse.
The tears running down your face while feeding your baby and your beloving hubby just sleeps quietly next to you!
You feel guilty for just the thought of being selfish and think about all the millions of Mamas who went through this as well. You even regret the thought of having a second child, you were just talking about with your husband days ago.
Mama, YOUR ARE NOT ALONE!
Thousands of Mamas are going through this. For some it’s easier for some it’s getting harder with each day.
Some just shaking of the tried tears the next morning and others crying again, over the fact that they were crying.
We all know that you love your baby but the line between an innocence baby blues and a postpartum depression can be very thin. The great loves you experience towards the baby isn’t sometimes enough to get over the thoughts of regretting of having a baby or having difficulties to adjust to the new lifestyle.
There is nothing wrong with having seconds thoughts. It’s makes you human! You went through massive changes in just ONE freaking year!
Started with sharing your so well treated body. Sharing your time, your bed, your home and some of your body parts again. Your privacy is invaded by basically a stranger who is sucking on your nipples, screaming, pee’ing and vomiting at you.
AND just like a blink of an eye… your routine changes again due to a growth spurt, sleep regression and reaching new mental development skills.
No wonder while people calling woman the stronger sex. We as mamas, working 24/7. We can not take sick days, always must make sure that the little one is satisfied and happy. We are dealing with those extra lbs. after the pregnancy and being terrified when we notice that the bikini season is right around the corner.
It isn’t surprising that we find ourselves sometimes at our weakest at night.
I tell you, don’t be ashamed for those tears. Don’t feel bad because you don’t know if you can handle it anymore.
YOU ARE DOING AMAZING!!!!!!!!
There is nothing wrong with it to admit that you need to talk! That you feel everything is running out of your hands. The most important thing here is that YOU NOTICED IT, and this makes you already such an incredible Mama.
You might just have a couple of rough days or nights but if you feeling sad all the time, being anxious or even hopeless don’t be ashamed!!!!!! There is help and again you are certainly NOT alone.
According to Ruby study in the United States overall 11.5% of all Mamas are identified with PPD but there is no reason for shame here!!!!! Indeed, it is the opposite. It makes you a better Mama if you seek help and work on it!
I am not diagnosed with PPD but Mama, I would not be surprised if someday I will!
One day I feel fine and think it isn’t so bad and some days/ nights I’ve been crying so bad that I could not see the end of the night!
When one of those nights came again I even yelled at my precious baby and immediately I felt so guilty. The big blue eyes were looking at me and he smiled, and I felt even more guilty. Teardrops were running like some opened a floodgate.
It took me almost 2 hours to calm myself with my sleeping baby in my arm! I felt like the worse Mama ever!
The next morning, my black circles under my eyes left the questions again “I am a good mother?” That was the moment where I decided that I could not go ahead like this again!
I called a counselor and set up an appointment!!
The fact that I called and set up an appointment made me already feel a bit better because I realized that I admitted that I NEED HELP with handling my emotions!
For some Mamas they feel like weaker if they admit that they might need help. BUT honestly, it makes you stronger and a better Mama. To be able to take care of your life including people around you, YOU need to be healthy and that starts with taking care of you FIRST!
When you have the feeling you are just existing instead of living, Mama, I tell you, talk to somebody. If you don’t feel comfortable to talk to a doctor, start with your hubby or a friend!
Talk to your Mama, she might understand you the best because she is a Mama too.
Don’t think that you can handle all of it by yourself! This new life, being a Mama can be overwhelming and there should not be any shame in it to admit it!
I adore and admire every Mama who made it through the first year and having a second child.
The other day I was talking to one of my “perfect Mamas” and I told her how much I admire her. She looks amazing even being pregnant with her second child and having a 16-month-old child.
She looked a bit surprised and said thank you! I was going to leave her alone again, but she put her hand on my arm and said: “thank you. It really made my day”! Now, I was the one who looked surprised and I replied that I am happy for that and I hope that her day is going well!
Her mask dropped, and tears were running down her cheeks.
I am not going to tell the whole conversation with her, but I wouldn’t ever have imagined that she, the woman I thought had all under control needed me, basically a stranger (just talked to her 2-3 times), to listen, vent and needed to hear that she is amazing!
We all sitting in the same boat. We all did not have any clue of being a Mama. It takes times to fill and fit those big shoes and sometimes we need help. Even if help seems like just a few nice words.
Being a Mama, is by far, the most difficult and terrifying job I have ever done in my life and it scares me death to think that I still have 19 years and 7 months in front of me before my boy becomes independent legally.
But we will make it because I know being a good Mama means also to ask for help, advise and sometimes taking a break!
You can do the same! If you feel helpless, frustrated, depressed, don’t feel guilty. There are other Mamas they feel the same! Talking about it is the first step to overcome the difficulties and can prevent to get deeper into PPD.
Don’t forget you ARE amazing, beautiful and a lovely Mama! You create this little wonder, and this can be scary! So don’t try to deal with it by yourself!!! Instead take care of you first! You will be a better Mama when you find yourself centered again!
I don’t know but wonder when, where and who came up with this stupid idea of the idol the independent Mama who raise her kids on her own without help! I’m not talking about the awesome Daddies out there. I am talking about the guilt when you feel overwhelmed with your new life, the shame of having selfish thoughts such as “I need time away from my baby”. I mean, who said that you must be the strong independent Mama that the best way to raise a child is by yourself and not with the help of your family or community. You are not a machine! You don’t have to do this all on your own!!!
My counselor gave me an advice when I told him that I even cannot kick my own ass back to the gym!
If you feel you need a break but you are not ready to go back to the gym. Even sitting in the parking lot at the gym is a step. Reading for 30 min a book outside of the house on a park bench is a step! It doesn’t to be always a long time to recharge your battery’s. Baby steps are more effective in long term!!!!
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